February 25, 2017:- Regular readers of Vox Vickery may have been worried about my absence. Sorry, but I have had a lot on my plate recently, what with corrupt bank officials, massages, and non-governmental prostates, and those gosh-darned courier companies, etc. Thank goodness for Mr. Lee of the International Monetary Fund, whose email arrived this morning.
( I.M.F ) Head Office
Senior Resident Representative
9 Hon. Justice Mohammed Bello St.
Attention; Fund Beneficiary,
This is to intimate you of a very important information which will be of a great help to redeem you from all the difficulties you have been experiencing in getting your long over due payment, due to excessive demand for money from you by both corrupt Bank officials and Courier Companies after which your fund remain unpaid to you.
You don’t mean the bank opposite the library on Amity Street, kitty-corner to the American Legion, do you? Courier companies not been bothering me at all, actually. Re. assurance of redemption: Cheers.
I am Mr. John Lee, a highly placed official of the International Monetary Fund (IMF). It may interest you to know that reports have reached our office by so many correspondences on the uneasy way which people like you are treated by Various Banks and Courier Companies/ Diplomat across Europe to Africa and Asia /London Uk. We have decided to put a stop to that and that is why I was appointed to handle your transaction here in Nigeria.
Great. Just wondering what you mean by “people like me” exactly. What have the correspondences been telling you?
All Governmental and Non-Governmental prostates, NGOs, Finance Companies, Banks, Security Companies and Courier companies which have been in contact with you of late have been instructed to back off from your transaction and you have been advised NOT to respond to them anymore since the International Monetary Fund (IMF) is now directly in charge of your payment.
No contact with prostates, thank you, governmental or otherwise. Shall definitely refrain from responding courier companies. No wish to reward their uneasy treatment of people like me. Reminder: Would appreciate clarity on the “people like me” thing.
Your name appeared in our payment schedule list of beneficiaries that will receive their funds in this first quarter payment of the year because we only transfer fund twice in a year according to our banking regulation. We apologize for the delay of your payment and please stop communicating with any office now and attention to our office payment accordingly.
You bet, and apology accepted.
Now your new Payment, United nation Approval No; UN5685P, White House Approved No: WH44CV, Reference No.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632 Password No: 339331, Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No: 103, Released Code No: 0763; Immediate (IMF) Telex confirmation No: -1114433; Secret Code No: XXTN013.
And it’s about time. I earned that Certificate of Merit in 1976. For 50 yards breast-stroke, if memory serves. Did you say White House Approved?
Your part payment inheritance fund is USD$10.7Million.
That’s definitely more than I was expecting.
Having received these vital payment numbers, therefore you are qualified now to received and confirm your payment with the International Monetary Fund (IMF) African Region immediately within the next 168hrs.
OK, but I have to take the Prius in for an oil-change on Monday. Could you make it 172 hours?
We assure you that your payment will get to you as long as you follow my directives and instructions. We have decided to give you a CODE, THE CODE IS: 601. Please, any time you receive a mail with the name Mr.John Lee, check if there is CODE (601) if the code is not written, please delete the massage from your box!
Re. massage: To which box are you referring?
You are hereby advised NOT to remit further payment to any institutions with respect to your transaction as your fund will be transferred to you directly from our source. I hope this is clear.
As a bell. Don’t want to be a noodge, but please do follow up on “people like me” clarification request.
Any action contrary to this instruction is at your own risk. Respond to this e-mail on (firstname.lastname@example.org) with immediate effect and we shall give you further details on how your fund will be released. Also call me as soon as you send the e-mail so that you will be given an immediate response:Direct Hot-line: Call:+234-802-934-1610
Mr. John Lee (I.M.F).